October 23, 2009

so much has happened, in so little time.
mostly its my fault.
I screwed up with emotions. and cant figure out what is really going on in my head.
Its quite frustrating actually. I could have just ruined an amazing thing, because of my fear. and because I am so unstable. I really hope Sondrene and I become friends again, one day. At the moment it kinda seems like she hates me. and its killing me inside, because i hurt such a wounderful person. I know our friendship will never be the same, but i hope it gets close to it.
She always so much fun to be with. Her giggles, and her chasing after people were my favorite part. Or how i could talk to her about anything with out her judging me. And they way she did care what i was doing, as long i was safe about it.

basically what I Am trying to say, is i miss Sondrene. Horribly.


our one month was amazing, except for the fact i didnt go to the movie with her. and then i was getting anxious to see her. but we couldnt hang out for that long. She gave me this really sweet note, which is now pasted in my journal. I was so happy she was mine. Then a couple days came around, and i started getting these odd feelings. we were supposed to be all open to eachother, no secrets. But i didnt know how to tell her what i was feeling, with out breaking up with her. And then a couple more days came around, and I wa asking my closest friends for advice. They all said if i was feeling the feelings that i was, that it would be better to not lead her on. To end it. And I wasnt entirly sure that i wanted to, but they were right. I couldnt stay with her as my feelings were degrating. and hers were only growing strong. And so i told her exactly what i was thinking, the reason for my odd behavior, and now we are just friend. except we arent exactly friends yet, but hopefully we will get there.

Tonight i stayed a selenas, and it was quite a fun night. I got to see a lot of people i havent seen. :]

The stubborn;
Alissarae :P